Lavender and shattered roses
by o0Sea0o
Summary: Gin reflects on his life while leading up to the present, when he takes te decission to btray Aizen and Hueco Mundo. Dark story. Mentions of Rangiku/Gin


**Lavender**** and shattered daisies.**

**Chapter one****.**

Most of my life has been defined by treason. Yet again I was waiting for the arrival of those who would make my newest betrayal possible and I can't help but wonder if my life would have been the same if I hadn't met Him, if my life would have been so full of blood and treachery if I hadn't met Aizen Sousuke. I believed that once upon a time, I believed that if He hadn't shown up that scorching afternoon and took me under his wing I would be happy, living a normal life somewhere…at least, as happy as a Rukongai brat is allowed to live. I'm not so sure anymore. Bloodshed has become such a central part of my life that I don't know if that's who I am anymore, but at the very least I do not that I wouldn't be alone, waiting to betray my master, for that is what Aizen always was to me. A cruel, unforgiving, gentle, patient and fucking ambivalent master.

Right now I would give anything to have Rangiku next to me, complaining about how I don't know the proper way to treat a lady and hinting to the next thing she wants me to buy her. I've missed her so much all this time. I guess I should start my story from the beginning so you understand better the flow of events which has brought me here, to this point in time. This particular story doesn't begin with my birth nor does it begin with my parents abandoning me. Although some may argue that was the beginning of the end, being forced to live in the streets and then being saved by a certain shinigami, my story –and life really if I have to be honest- actually began on September 29th the day I met one orange haired girl named Rangiku Matsumoto.

I walked happily with my loot through a deserted area. Earlier that day I had managed to steal some food, which would probably last me a few days, and had successfully ran away with it. It took me some time to loose the owner of the food, who was following me with the intention to take his property back and beat me up as punishment for stealing from him. I was faster though, and so I walked in the middle of the desert, panting from running so much but holding onto my newly acquired meal with pride.

Suddenly, I hear a low sound some distance ahead. It seemed like whimpering and I, curious boy that I was, approached the top of the dune that was preventing me from seeing the source of the noise. At the foot of the dune lay a girl, nearly unconscious and holding her stomach tightly, probably due to hunger.

Usually I would have gone on my merry way, not caring about some girl who was to weak to get her own food, but something made me approach her.I walked slowly to her side and offered her the food. "Eat up" I said "If you collapse due to hunger then you must have reiatsu". The girl looked at me with azure eyes and merely asked "You too?"

"Yup." I answered with my usual eyes, hiding my thoughts behind it. "Me too. Ichimaru Gin. Nice to meet you." The girl looked at me for a moment with her big eyes and murmured "Gin…" My smiled diminished a little and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful my name sounded on her lips "That's a weird name."

I offered her the food once again. "Take it; we can't have you starving to death now, can we? Hiding a body is hard work and I don't feel like doing it right now" The girl took the food and smiled. I sucked in a breath at seeing her, it was so utterly _brilliant _I didn't know what to do; it was as if the sun, the moon and the stars had lit up at the same time in her face. That smile warmed me and burnt me at the same time, I felt that such a smile wasn't meant for such a lowlife boy like me, but at the same time there was only one thought going through my mind _'I've got to keep her smiling'_.

The girl, who I later learnt was named Rangiku Matsumoto, and I became fast friends. After a short while we only were apart on the occasions I went "searching" for food. Stealing was too dangerous for her, I didn't want her to get beaten to a pulp if she was caught, and I didn't want her to see the things I had to do, the damage I had to inflict in others, for us not to go hungry. Rangiku had always inspired in me, from the very beginning, the need to protect her from all the evils and danger of the world. I probably should have left her after giving her my food that day in the desert if I wanted to protect her from evil and danger so much, god knows my life has always been full of it from the beginning.

It was during one of those scouts for food that I met Him. He was walking down a shady street of the Rukongai, people making space so he could walk comfortably, admiring his spotless, powerful yet kind aura. Aizen did have a way of misleading everyone about his true nature. I didn't pay him much attention at first; I was just taking the chance of having everyone's attention diverted to him to get as much food as I could for me and Rangiku, who was waiting for me in a better part of the district.

The owner of the food was, sadly, less distracted than I though, and he caught me while I was taking his stuff from his cart. Aizen had approached us then, and the guy shut up instantly. I remembered thinking I wanted to be intimidating like that, stupid child that I was. Soon enough I would be seeing the error of my ways.

It was a regular summer afternoon, or so I had thought at the day. The weather was melting, and people tried to shield themselves from the scorching sun however they could. I had been scouting for some food all day, but I hadn't come across one single distracted merchant. By the middle of the day I was desperate; not only was I hungry, but I was also worried about Rangiku being alone for so much time, the girl did not know how to defend herself.

Finally, it looked as if someone had answered to my prayers; a shinigami was walking down the streets and, being that such a rare thing, people flocked to where he was so they could get a better look at the shinigami. I didn't care very much for shinigami, they usually thought themselves better than the rest of us, but I did think it would be nice to be so powerful and garner so much respect. Rangiku and I wouldn't go hungry once if I were a shinigami like that man.

I took my chance when one of the merchants who sold food got distracted by the powerful presence walking don the street and took a part of his goods with all the speed I was capable of. The man saw me, however, and started screaming at me. He was grabbing my arm and ready to strike me by the time the shinigami approached us. He looked at the man for a moment, and then focused his sight on me. The merchant had stopped in his tracks when he saw the approaching shinigami and the three of us stood still for a while.

I took the opportunity to study the shinigami, just like he was doing to me. He had short brown hair and a kind face. He wore thick glasses, which made me wonder if his poor sight didn't bother him at work, judging by the lieutenant badge on his arm I didn't think so.

The shinigami emitted a very powerful aura, and I could tell why he made it to lieutenant, he must have been scary when he was angry. The shinigami seemed to come to his senses then, and his serious expression was replaced by a gentle smile, one which I couldn't help notice didn't reach his eyes. The shinigami talked in low tones with the merchant, who pushed me roughly towards the shinigami. "Follow me" he said, and then started walking as if he knew I was going to follow.

I considered staying merely because of his presumption that I would follow his orders, but curiosity won out in the end; the man had saved me after all, he couldn't be so bad, right? We walked for a long time, and he didn't look back at me even once, until we reached a remote and unpopulated area of the town. The man turned abruptly and introduced himself as Aizen Sousuke. "You are in my debt, boy" he said "You will be coming with me now. I'll take good care of you, make you into a shinigami, all I ask in return is you loyalty. You have a lot of power, did you know that? You are destined for great things, boy." His offer didn't sound so bad, and in another time I would have taken it without hesitation, but I had Rangiku now and I couldn't abandon her like that, I just couldn't.

Aizen must have seen my hesitation for his smile slipped a little and his eyes lost their gentle look, becoming sharper around the edges. "I know what you're thinking about" he said with an air of indifference "it's about that orange haired girl, isn't it? She going to be quite the looker one day. You don't think she'll put up with trash like you once she grows up a little, don't you? I've been watching you for some time Gin, you're not good enough for her; you'll bring her only pain and misery."

I didn't want to believe him, even though he nailed my biggest insecurity right on the head. I knew Rangiku deserved better than me, but I was happy with her and I wasn't going to give her up just like that. Whoever took her would have to pry her from my cold, dead hands; besides, I wasn't stupid enough to believe this guy just like that. What did make me freeze, however, was the sharp tone of his voice when he said I would bring her pain and misery. I recognized the underlying threat, and realized instantly that I wasn't strong enough to beat this dangerous man.

"What do you want?" I spat out at him, not willing to admit defeat but knowing that I had to submit to him in order to protect Rangiku. "Your obedience." he said "From now on I'll be asking you to do some jobs for me, to test your loyalty to me. When the time is right I'll begin sending you on bigger tasks, but let's not get ahead of ourselves." He was smiling gently once again, though his tone of voice chilled me to the bones. I felt disgusted by that man, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I closed my eyes, hung my head in defeat and asked again, barely above a whisper, "What do you want?" I noticed a man watching us in an alley and Aizen guided me towards him. The streets were completely deserted, and the looks that man was giving me frightened me for a reason I did no recognize, no one would hear me even if I screamed for help. Aizen, who was standing beside me started petting my head, like one would pet a loved dog. "This man" he began "has helped me a great deal, I want to reward him." I looked up at the man in front of me, another shinigami I noticed detachedly. I felt Aizen bending over behind me, placing his mouth right next to my ear. "Kneel down Gin," he whispered to me "the sooner you're done the sooner you can get to you girl." I clenched my eyes shut, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Rangiku was waiting, she was going to get hurt if I didn't obey, and I couldn't let her down. Those were the only things going through my mind while I knelt on the cold, hard ground.

I would pay dearly for my decision that day, and even at that time I knew there was no turning back.

That day was a turning point in my life, I started it being free and ended it being someone's slave. Even at our first meeting Aizen was a cruel master, he got off humiliating those around him and strangely, you still looked up to him as if he were a dog. That evening when I got home, with red eyes and no food, Rangiku believed I had been caught and asked me if everything was alright. She was innocent enough at that time, thank god, that she believed the bruises in my neck were bug bites or something like that. I suppose late on she believed I had been with some girl, if she ever thought about that day, for I never told anyone what happened that afternoon in the alleyway.

I was in a very strange mood that day, I hadn't completely understood what happened with Aizen and the other man; I did realize though, that my life had changed forever. Rangiku kept asking what happened, why I was acting weird and a million questions more. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. She kept asking until I couldn't stand it anymore, and I remember screaming at her to shut up. Rangiku began to cry, the first time I had made her cry in all the time I knew her, but I was tired, too tired to console her and apologize. I went to sleep early, ignoring the distinct sniffling beside me.

The next morning we acted as if nothing had happened and went on with our usual lives, and if things were a bit tense we both acted like we didn't realize that. It wasn't too long before Aizen had his first task for me, I was to kill some guy in the lowest district of the Rukongai. It would make me man up, Aizen had said, he couldn't have weak followers so I had to prove myself strong. I refused at first but a few well dealt blows and threats to hurt Rangiku made me obey once again. Killing that man was easier than I would have thought, maybe deep inside I am a killer by nature or maybe I was certain that I was taking the only option available, All I know is I felt absolutely no remorse afterwards.

Aizen left once the job had been done, leaving me to return by myself. Things kept going like that for a couple of years, by that time I had accepted my lot in life and I wasn't fighting Aizen anymore, I did whatever he ordered me to do, no questions asked. He was more disappointed at the fact that I wasn't fighting him anymore than you would expect. Then again, he never had trouble finding reasons to punish me if he felt like it. When I did especially good he would "reward" me, those weren't very different from punishment to me, the only different was there was a little pleasure mixed in with my pain. I always liked punishments better, I could deal with the pain but I felt disgusted by the fact that I could find pleasure with him. He probably knew it too, for rewards became increasingly more common and punishments more rare.


End file.
